Starting Over After Burnout

It's funny that when we feel like we're "failing" in making movement towards our own goals or picture of what "we should be doing" that we drop writing or talking about them.  We wouldn't want anyone to know that we're not quite reaching our goals right?  Wrong!  That is precisely the time we should open up and talk them out.  If anything, talking about  our goals in the midst of our set-backs might be just what is needed to get us back on track.  And I know that any reader would appreciate our honesty in missing goals.   I have many reasons (excuses) why I haven't posted in a while, but feeling like a failure certainly didn't help.  Have you read Sarah's post What's Holding You Back?  I'm telling you I could say ditto to just about everything she wrote.  Many of those things are reasons that have held me back from running, writing or doing any of the things that are an outlet for me.

My last blog post left off at just days before running my first full marathon in November.  2012 was a year of triumph for me personally.  I was continually progressing towards and conquering new goals monthly.  This is what a year of making fitness a priority looked like for me:

• January 2012 - started running with Finishers (couldn't run a full mile without walking)
• February 2012 - Ran my first 5K
• March 2012 - Ran my first 10K
• May 2012 - Ran my first Half Marathon (13.1 miles)
• June 2012 - Started my first round of Insanity and started training for a full marathon
• August 2012 - Completed a full round of Insanity while training for full marathon
• November 2012 - Completed my first Full Marathon (26.2 miles)
• December 2012 - Ran/Exercised very little.  What happened?

What happened indeed.  Running my first full marathon was AMAZING.  I finished.  I learned a lot. I will do another.  And I will post a recap of my first marathon soon - I promise.  But why is it that after all that progress, after all that conquering did I stop?  Since the race I have not been running much or doing much of any exercise for that matter and the best answer I can come up with is two part:

1. I burned out.
2. I didn't set any new fitness goals to compliment my priorities for 2013.

Burn out really?  Yes, I totally burned out.  Running became hard again.  I didn't have motivation to get out there like I did pre-marathon.  The holidays were calling my name and I just wanted to eat junk and be merry - or something like that.  Those lazy holiday months killed it for me.  I didn't want to spend an hour or more away from my boys on my days off and I didn't want to get up at the crack of dawn to avoid it.  When I finally peeked my head above the cloud, I found that I had lost much of the endurance that was built over the last year.  Without any goals to reach or races to run I had nothing to aim for.  All I had before me was discouragement and reasons not to get out there.  I wasn't able to meet up with my running group anymore and without that I lost a lot of the encouragement that was boosting me through any mental road-blocks I faced last year.

2012 was so much about pushing past my self-imposed limits in every area.  Running opened up so much possibility to me.  It launched me into my 30's with great victory.  However, training for a marathon takes a LOT of time and a LOT of understanding and support from family - especially from my husband.  Without that support I wouldn't have had time or motivation to get those much needed long runs in.  And by the end of 2012 running had almost become too much of a priority.  It was time to scale back and fit running in rather than making room for it - or so I thought.  

The problem is that I was never able to 'fit' running into my daily routine.  I thought I could just throw in a run here or there on a whim, but any 'whim' was usually replaced with reality or a flagrant excuse. Looking back I should have created a plan and set some running and fitness goals for 2013.  My old routine of squeezing a run in on my lunch wasn't working anymore.  This means I need to get up early - which means planning and determination on my part.  So, I've gone ahead and planned out at least one race this year.  

A friend of mine is running her first half marathon in November and I am so excited to run it with her.  That's still a ways out though!  So in the meantime I have a plan to train for half marathon training  - if that makes sense.  I want to get to where I can comfortably run 6 miles again before I officially begin training in July.  At any rate, I'm excited to have a plan and a few goals in place.  This friend and I went running on Saturday and it was so encouraging!  We ran almost 4 miles and talked the whole time.  The miles just flew by!  I didn't realize how much I missed running with a buddy.   Sometimes you just need a friend to get you over those overpasses.

This morning I got my butt out of bed and conquered a 5K (3 miles).  It felt good.  It felt fresh.  It felt right.  When I returned from the run I got the boys fed, dressed with lunches packed, and even had time for a shower.  I felt like super woman.  My husband agreed.  And though my speed doesn't match super woman's speed just yet, I am confident I will pick it back up soon and maybe even set some personal records.  Sometimes all you need is a plan, a little bit of motivation, and just putting one foot in front of the other.  I never regret going out for a run, but I always regret it when I miss one.

{What motivates you?}

~ Danielle ~

Throw away your scale!

I have worked out like a banshee this week, and only had ONE gluten free peanut butter cookie and a grande Vanilla latte as my cheats.

Monday: 1 hour of circuit training
Tuesday: 1 hour of treadmill, 3mph at a 10% grade, 30 mins of core work
Wednesday: 45 mins of treadmill, 3mph at 10% grade
Thursday: 75min trail walking (3.2 miles) with multigrades, 45 min dance cardio class, 30 mins core work
Friday: 65 min trail walk (4 miles) with the hubby with miltigrades
Saturday: 1 hour circuit training class, 20 mins jog/walk with dog in the evening

Food: 6 days allowance: 7254....I ate 7109

Today....I weighed in and I have GAINED a pound. Gained a pound.

It's days like today that I want to give up. Really...I do. I worked sooo hard this week. My muscles are so sore. And I gained weight.

But then I have to snap out of it and remember a few things. 1) I probably gained a pound or two of muscle. Which weighs more than fat. 2) Girl issues are at play this week. And 3) judge your progress by how your clothes feel, not by the number on the scale...because they scale can't tell the whole story. (and FYI, I mooned some people bending over in my now-loose jeans the other day)

I know it's frustrating. But I can't give up. Keep moving forward...and I'll hit my goals. Beside, my first goal is to be healthy....and that is definitely happening.

I am having my husband hide the scale again. I don't want to see it, use it, or even think about it.

{Who's with me??!}

What is holding you back?

Last August, I wrote a post entitled "A New Year, A New You"....which I just read! It's also pretty much the last time I wrote on this blog because I just wasn't *ready* to make the commitment to myself that I needed to accomplish my goals. I have started and quit at least a few dozen times - new diets, new exercise regimes - but could never make it past 3 weeks. I don't think I even made it past 3 weeks writing on this blog!

But I'm doing it now! 3 months I've made it, and I am quite sure that I will accomplish my goals now. Why now? Because I finally dealt with my depression.

Think of the Biggest Loser or Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss edition. How many times have we seen Chris and Jillian getting into the minds of the contestants, digging deep to find the root of their obesity? Trying to figure out why they didn't care enough about themselves to take care of themselves. I firmly believe that obesity is 90% emotional. I know mine was! I turned to food to cope with all the stress in my life...I just didn't see it. And I was too depressed to successfully do anything about it. Any time I would try, I would give up because I'd always feel like it wasn't working. Or happening fast enough.

Which is what happened on or around September of last year! Again. I have been dealing with a few major things in my life that were the cause of my depression in the first place, and I was just sinking further and further into the hole of despair. I hit the bottom in December  and finally accepted that I needed help dealing with it. I got help, and my life turned around quickly! Enjoying all my new found energy...I found a fantastic trainer in February for one-on-one sessions, as well as small group training sessions which I now do about 3 times a week. And I've also turned my food around...no longer eating fast food or crap food. I've lost 12lbs so far...not a huge amount, but I do actually want to enjoy life a little while shedding pounds. The most noticeable difference is my strength and energy. I love how much better I feel!

The key for me was treating that emotional issue. I simply couldn't find success otherwise. Exercise is a treatment for depression, but it's really really hard to exercise and care for yourself when you are depressed! It is extremely important that you take care of your emotions if you want to be succeed. It is soo soo hard to care for yourself when you're a mom. I could barely take a shower! But now I have carved out time every night to take a relaxing bath for some "me" time, and allowing myself to leave the house to work out, guilt free. Something I had a hard time doing before! And I sleep much better now. I wear earplugs, and let my husband handle the kids night time issues when they have them (which is rare these days thank goodness). It took a lot of trust to let go of being a 24/7 mom (because helloooo, I do it better! heh) but I needed to let go of some of those hours because I was burning out fast.

So ladies: make sure to make YOU a priority. As difficult as it might seem at first, you need it. It's hard to ask for help...we are supposed to be wonder women after all. But with out that Me Time, to write, read inspirational things, do something you enjoy, and deal with your emotions....you just can't succeed. And if Mom's not happy, no one is!

~Sarah

{What is holding YOU back?}

Almost Race Day - Pile On The Miles

Nine days from now I will be running the Two Cities Marathon which happens to be my very first marathon. And this will be my first race since running my first half marathon.  Running that 13.1 miles in May made me feel awesome - like I can do anything.  But I've got to admit that 26.2 miles still sounds and feels a lot more daunting - perhaps impossible.  I know exactly how I feel at 13.1 miles.  In training my mileage has peeked at 16 miles where I simply felt terrible.  What have I gotten myself into???

When I trained for the half everything fell into place.  I had no trouble keeping up with my training schedule, never got sick, no injuries and a zero issues on race day.  In training for this marathon I have had set back after set back.  In September I started getting knee pain and I've been very sick twice in the last two months alone.  I haven't got the mileage in that I wanted to feel confident on race day.  And still I am worried that the knee pain is going to set in early and cause me not to finish.  All I want for this race is to finish!  I would like to finish in under 5 hours, but at this point that might even be pushing it.  Now I'm in the 'tapering' part of training where I start cutting my mileage and start to rest up for the race.  If you're not into running you'd be surprised how much you have to consider the week before the race.  Everything from what foods I should eat, how much water to drink, salt intake, what I should wear in the race, how much running is too much or too little etc.  It's enough to make a girl anxious that's for sure!

So to take my mind off of that let's talk about Pile On The Miles!  As a new runner I just found out about this awesome challenge in the world of blogs!  Essentially, it's where we challenge ourselves to walk or run more miles in the month of November.  The goal is to pile on extra miles not pounds during this food-filled time of the year.  Check out the widget I've added to the blog to get the details or click here!  They've got some really great giveaways that are given out both randomly as well as based on mileage.  I for one need all the incentive I can get to keep logging miles and to keep moving during this time of year!

Also, for those seasoned runners out there I have some questions!

• What do you think of compression gear?  What do you recommend? - I really am tempted to get some compression socks, sleeves or tights because I'm willing to try anything at this point that might help me to fatigue less and avoid as much pain as possible!
• I just recently switched from my beloved Brooks shoes that got me through my half marathon training and switched to some Nike Free 2.0 shoes.  Has anyone used these for long runs like oh say a marathon??? Hoping I made the right choice!

• Music or no music?

Hope everyone has a wonderful and active weekend.  I plan to get outside and breathe in that cool air.  And don't forget to sign up for Pile On The Miles by end of this month. Would love to be logging in those extra miles with each and everyone of you!  And share your goals with you friends - they'll keep you accountable!

Breakfast in a blender....

I love love love this new breakfast shake that I've been making in the mornings. It is deeeelicious. It has all my favorite flavors mixed together: banana, chocolate and peanut butter. It reminds me of a milkshake I used to get as a kid from the Dairy Queen.

Bear with me on the pictures, I still haven't mastered making my pictures look as good as the food tastes:

NomNomNom...

How do we make it?

With this good stuff!

We have:
1/2 cup of organic rolled oats
1tbsp of organic fresh ground peanut butter (also almonds would be great!)
1 frozen organic banana
1tsp of dark cocoa (no sugar added! And only 5 calories for a rich taste!)
1 cup organic vanilla or plain almond milk
1/2 ice (if you want it)

Throw it in a blender, and you end up with 16oz of delicious.

A note on the banana....cut it up at least in half before you freeze it. It's hard to blend otherwise. I love freezing bananas that look like they're about to become mushy/black/inedible - which no one in my family will eat (banana snobs!). I'm finding that I don't throw out nasty bananas anymore :)

You may find you want to play around with the amounts to obtain the consistency, or if you want it to be more protein, and less carbs. Either way...it's a great nutrient packed chocolaty meal in a cup and will fill you up for hours. *Loves*

Back To The Beginning

Sometimes you have to go back to the beginning to find that "something special" you seem to have lost along the way. For me - and running - today that meant getting off the paved roads and back to running circles in the orchard like I used to. I forgot how peaceful a run through the orchard can be. I forgot how the shade of the trees provided a nice break from the sun. I forgot how much I enjoyed having Cocoa (my dog) as my running partner - at least until she tired. I forgot how nice it was to have the security of my home nearby.

Somehow I had only remembered the reasons why I travelled away from the orchard runs. I wanted something new! New scenery - something to keep me interested - running around in circles for miles got boring. And while those were good reasons at the time - they weren't really good reasons not to incorporate orchard running into some of my runs.

As I stuck to running the orchard for the first 6 miles today I realized what I missed! And that passion (for running) I was searching for the last few weeks came flooding back in a matter of minutes. It helped of coarse to see my family smiling, playing and waving at me in the front yard each time I passed . I even had my very own race crew keeping pace behind me on the quad for a little while.

Then after mile 6 I decided to venture out onto the road again. What I found is that sticking to the orchard for the first 6 miles gave me an assurance - a confidence that I could get through the last 3 miles on paved roads. Roads that are far away from the comfort and safety of my home. If I could do 6 miles running circles around the orchard, then certainly I could run 3 miles though town!

Sometimes we take the familiar for granted. Sometimes we forget about our "great" beginnings.

Running Shoes, Struggles, and Reflections

These are my running shoes. They haven't been getting a lot of action these last few weeks.  They sit there by the door begging, pleading, inviting me to take them for a run.  I get excited and think this week I'm going to put on my training hat and get serious.  But each week I get about one run in and then let the rest of the week get away from me.  When the alarm goes off in the morning and the sun has yet to rise I simply don't want it enough.  At noon or in the evening - the thought of running in heat and humidity is not welcoming.  Again, I simply don't want it enough.

This week I am determined to get out there and complete each run as planned.  I completed almost 4 miles on Monday at midday in the heat.  It was awful. Yesterday I completed a core workout with Hip Hop Abs and today I need to run about 4 miles on my lunch.  Then tomorrow morning I need; no I must run 7 miles.  This requires getting up by at least 5:00 AM.  An early morning run.  My arch enemy.

What's strange is that just a few months ago when I was training for the half I looked forward to each and every run.  I was passionate about getting out there.  Nothing could get in the way.  So I've asked myself where is that passion?  Where is my motivation?  How did I lose it?  More importantly, how do I get it back?

Running was so much easier when I was looking forward to it.  When I was passionate about it!  I don't want my training for this marathon to feel like work (even though it is).  Thinking about all this I realize that while I need to push through and just get out there in spite of how I feel, what I really need to do is to get my passion back!

Isn't that just how it is for many aspects of our lives?  As I've been contemplating this and trying to "think" my way into getting out there I've started to see other areas of my life where I'm really sort of stuck in the same place.  A place where I lack passion, drive, motivation or whatever you want to call it.  When training for the half I was on top of the world - in all of these areas.  I was passionate about running, but I was also passionate about other important areas of my life.  Now I see that I'm struggling to find passion in these other areas as well.  It's almost as if running or my attitude towards running is a reflection of a struggle that I'm having with myself.

When you get into a fitness program or running it's amazing to see how much of that experience reflects things in your personal and spiritual life.  What are you struggling with in your journey to reach your current fitness goals?  Can you draw any parallels between those struggles and the struggles you might be having in your personal, professional or spiritual life?  How do you stay inspired, motivated, passionate in reaching your goals?

Even in the midst of my frustrations, being able to see this reflection inspires me to get out there.  It's because I know I'm going to continue to grow in many ways other than just reaching my marathon goal when I run.  Don't give up - I'm not going to.  Even if I fail today tomorrow is a brand new day!  And I will continue to push on towards my goals - towards the prize.

~Danielle